Tobi Hill-Meyer
Hi! I saw muffing before but it wasn't until your post when you linked to the Fucking Transwomen zine that I was actually able to figure out how to do it. Tis quite enjoyable! I do have an awkward question though... would it sill be feasible after an orchi? I know scrotal/labia skin supposedly gets tight after one. Maybe doing it frequently could keep enough elasticity?

I imagine it depends on surgical technique. I only discivered muffing after my orchi, but my surgeon specifically left the “labia donor tissue” intact. I’ve got a friend who specifically sought out a surgeon who would remove it (apparently it’s difficult to find US/Canadian surgeons willing to do that). I would imagine muffing on her might be a lot more difficult, limited, or potentially impossible.  But if you keep it intact, which most US/Canadian surgeons do by default, then you’ll have no problem and muffing might even be easier.











the only thing funnier than this video are the comments on it

The only thing worse than a guy who calls himself an ‘alpha male’ is a guy who calls himself a ‘beta male.’  Someone who calls himself alpha is probably self-delusional or perhaps only saying that as a way of saying he’s awesome or that he’s dominant. Ugh, right?

But the guy who calls himself a beta male is the real danger. He buys into the power system and thinks it should be there, but despite being in the #2 most powerful position, he takes on a persecution complex. He’s almost always white, straight, cis, able bodied, etc, etc, and he’s internalized a sense of entitlement because of it - not just entitlement to job, respect, etc, but to possession/ownership of a woman.  When he doesn’t get what he thinks he’s deserved, he feels like he’s being wronged and will lash out at whoever he perceives to be responsible. He can quickly become viscous because he’s learned there’s no consequences for that kind of behavior. 

And perhaps the one thing preventing reform more than anything else is that he only sees the world as alphas and betas. He doesn’t realize there are omegas, there’s unranked, there’s outcasts, there’s people fighting to tear down the system. He’s so focused on what he doesn’t have and doing anything he can to get it that he doesn’t realize he has more than 95% of the world and is viciously taking from those who have less then him in his quest to be equal to the alpha male.

One year in porn


April of 2013 I was sitting on the phone shaking explain to my mom what I was really going to San Francisco for when she didn’t buy me going to speak at a trans conference. I like every queer knew who Jiz Lee was and happened to have the chance see them speak at GVSU in my hometown of Grand Rapids. I spent that christmas with my friends watching the first crash pad freaking out over Courtney Trouble’s scene. A few days after meeting Jiz in September of 2012 I got a email back from them asking if I wanted to do a shoot in the new crash pad location with Dylan Ryan and Courtney Trouble on April 13th. I literally watched every single scene of each that I could find anywhere to try to live up to their legendary performances that made them the queer porn icons they are. The date of the shoot was always on my mind. I lived next to a green house that opened on April 12th with a countdown sign until the day they open that became to me a countdown until I start my porn career. Every day I would drive by that sign and as the numbers dropped down I became beyond excited and extremely nervous like “what if I say something offensive?”, “what if I suck and neither of them cum?”, “what if I get scared and can’t do it”?.  Finally I was at the airport leaving Michigan for the first time on my own and get to the ritzy hotel I spent way more than I should have on that I had to eat fast food for every meal on my trip. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep as I took a cab to the warehouse space that is the crash pad’s location. I was the first one there then Courtney Trouble showed up and I went into total fan girl mode hanging on every single thing they said and being totally shocked how they were only 4’11”. I was texting Alaska White about literally every moment with mainly the use of  ”omg”, “lol” and “omfg”. Dylan shortly came in after and again I was in total fan girl mode and completely shocked they were over 6’ tall. We started our scene with me eating both out until they both came and then the winner getting to fuck me. I was shaking like a leaf and being so utterly shy to the point while my face is burried in Dylan’s cunt telling me “Its okay you can touch me.”. Shortly After they both fucked me and within 10 mins my first scene was done and we were all on our own ways. I then called literally everyone and knew and gushed about all the details. The next day I was shooting for Grooby and I heard nothing but horror stories about photographers trying to have sex with the girls and awful porn drug stereotypes flashing through my head. My photographer Radius Dark called me he was in the lobby and was coming up to my room and I was beyond nervous and wondering if he was going to be that sleazy porn stereotype. After he gets up to my room we start talking and he immediately asks if I’m a virgo and literally to that point I never knew my sign and nothing else of the sort. He and I later had an in depth convo about welfare programs, 90s hip hop, the nfl, the bay area and literally nothing about sex. During part of the scene while fucking my ass with a dildo he suggests I say “Fuck me hard” then adds “with your strap on” as I was clearly being a raging dyke like I always am in my life. After that first trip I knew I was coming back in a few months to shoot for Courtney’s site and really had no clue what it was going to be for. I learned a week before I was going I was going to be shooting with Maxine Holloway and we were shooting at the Dyke March and literally had no clue how big that was or how we could do that. I literally cannot sum up that scene with words if you follow this blog I assume most of you have seen that scene, gifs from it or photos from it. That scene changed my life. How much attention it got allowed me to take the jump and move to the bay and shoot for other bigger sites. I got an email from asking me if I would be interested in joining kinklive as a model and cam from the armory which was literally a dream come true. The idea of working at the famous armory which is a castle where some of the world’s best bdsm porn is made was beyond perfect for me. A few months after moving to the bay and settling in award season started and I had the pleasure of going to the Trans Awards in LA and had a chance to speak out about the current name with a group of ftm performers from the bay. Less than a month later Steven Grooby posted a press release finally changing the name. At this point I thought nothing more exciting could happen within my first year in the industry. Courtney Trouble then offered me my own feature dvd “Fucking Mystic” where I could write my own script, cast all my own scenes and co-direct. This is the dream project I was hoping in maybe 5 years that I would be able to do. During shooting this project Bailey Jay sent out a tweet not only knowing who I am but saying I’m one of her dream performers to perform with. I knew this was such a huge huge huge thing not only for me but could be beyond huge for queer porn as a whole thats when Courtney Trouble mentioned wanting me to be on Transgrrrls 2 and thats when it clicked Bailey Jay needs to be on Transgrrrls 2. There it was a year after I was that girl in the midwest explaining how to my mother why me doing porn was a good idea that I’m not getting pressured into and now I’m in a luxury hotel in manhatten waiting to shoot with the biggest name ever in trans porn Bailey Jay for a queer porn icon that 2 years earlier I was idolizing on christmas. The week before my first film Transgrrrls won a feminist porn award and the award is in the shape of a sex toy. So one year to the day of my shaking like a leaf 3 some for crash pad I was getting fucked by Bailey Jay by a feminist porn award for a film I was on the cover of being used as a dildo to fuck me. My first year in porn blew me away and really cannot wait to see what the next year has in store 

Is there a problem with the DVD production on Doing It Again volume 2? I thought it was supposed to come out in March but the site still says pre-order.

Yes - it’s a mix of good news and bad news that I’ll be announcing soon.  But the volume is finished and I’ll have a digital download version ready as soon as I return from the Feminist Porn Awards next week.


Filmmaker Tobi Hill-Meyer has been applying feminist analysis to her life since the age of three.

Raised by queer parents, she recalls having academic debates about porn over the dinner table. As a sex educator in high school, by 16 she was seeking ways to get honest information about healthy sexuality to her peers and dreamed of opening a feminist sex shop.

Now she tells stories that traverse the territory between education and erotica. “When I started encountering a lot of stereotypes and misunderstandings and prejudices that people had around trans women’s sexuality,” she says, “I realized I should pull up that old dream I had, alter it slightly, and then make for myself what I wanted to see in the world.”

Following on the success of 2010’s Doing It Ourselves — for which Hill-Meyer won Best Emerging Filmmaker at the Good for Her Feminist Porn Awards — Doing It Again is an exciting new series that takes a visceral approach to representing experiences of trans women and their sexual partners. Steamy scenes intercut with perspectives shared by the performers combine to create a unique document of relationships, desires, negotiations and sexual expectations.

It’s a trust Hill-Meyer does not take lightly. “I’m really focusing on the interviews and talking to people and getting a sense of who they are and how the different issues in their life influence their sexuality,” she explains, “and that’s something that is very, very different than what you would see in a film you randomly grab off a porn-store shelf.”

The first volume of Doing It Again focuses on trans women and their trans partners, depicting people of various ages, shapes, cultures and economic status. Volume 2 will focus on trans women and their cis partners and Volume 3 on trans women and genderqueer people.

Intimacy — physical, emotional, spiritual — is a key component of this series. Not only is Hill-Meyer granted access to her participants’ explicit and clearly well-enjoyed sex but so, too, is she allowed to capture their real-life reflections on what they want when it comes to having positive sexual experiences.

Off the coast of British Columbia, featured performers and longtime partners Chelsea and Mo lead a fairly quiet rural life together. The film encounters them at a unique moment, as Mo reveals the fact of their own soon-to-begin transition (FTM). Two years after Chelsea’s own sex-reassignment surgery, she describes their sexual relationship as “very kinky,” though not without its complications. She calls making the movie with Hill-Meyer “a symbolic moment” in the couple’s ongoing exploration of their changing bodies and desires.

Porn veteran Drew Deveaux shares her motivation as an erotic artist. “Part of what I wanted to change through my work in porn was to get [cisgender people] to see us as objects of desire, which we are — [to] get them to see us as sexual equals.”

Deveaux appears alongside newcomer Hayley Fingersmith (who has since starred in Trouble Films’ Trans Grrrls: Revolution Pornstyle Now, nominated for Best Film at the 2014 Trans Porn Awards). Fingersmith describes her relationship with her body as being “at an all-time uncomplicated,” in part because she knows she will be able to access the surgeries she wants. In the meantime, “I can do really cool things with my body,” she says. “How many dykes have ever wanted a strap-on they could feel?”

Seattle locals Lilith von Fraumench and Violet DeVille discuss inclusion of trans women in queer sex parties and give viewers a taste of their own burlesque-influenced BDSM. The film rounds out with a vignette featuring performers Azure Monro and Juicy, who express their interests in dating and hooking up with partners of a wide range of self-identifications.

“I enjoy sex with partners of all identities,” Monro says. “People will be like, ‘What’s your type?’ and I’m like, ‘My type’s hot.’”

Hill-Meyer is up for two Feminist Porn Awards on April 4, forDoing It Again, Volume 1 and Money Shot Blues & How to Fake Ejaculation, and will present a workshop at the Feminist Porn Conference, to be held in Toronto April 5 and 6.

Yes!  Doing it Again: Playful Awakening won an Honorable Mention.

Also, Trans Grrrls: Revolution Porn Style Now - a film I performed in and created by my collaborator Courtney Trouble - won best trans film.


Who Will Win The Crown?Take A Guess… And Win A Year of Queer Porn TV!!!
With the Feminist Porn Awards coming up and the “what are we going to wear?!?” crises beginning, we figured it might be fun to instigate a QueerPorn.TV Feminist Porn Heartthrob betting pool! Who do you think will win a trophy this year?
This has absolutely no influence on or relationship to the Feminist Porn Awards, of course… but if you’re correct in your guess, you’ll get a full YEAR of QueerPorn.TV membership (that’s a $250 value)!
IF a QPTV cutie gets that honor, we’re also going to gift a massage gift certificate to them!
Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan, James Darling, April Flores, Drew Deveaux…. A QueerPorn.TV performer has won a Heartthrob Award from the FPA every year since 2011, so if patterns hold, there WILL be a sexy someone from our lineup getting that trophy (and that massage, mmmm). And with so many amazing and diverse performers to choose from, why not?
So go on, take a guess… and take a chance!


Who Will Win The Crown?
Take A Guess… And Win A Year of Queer Porn TV!!!

With the Feminist Porn Awards coming up and the “what are we going to wear?!?” crises beginning, we figured it might be fun to instigate a QueerPorn.TV Feminist Porn Heartthrob betting pool! Who do you think will win a trophy this year?

This has absolutely no influence on or relationship to the Feminist Porn Awards, of course… but if you’re correct in your guess, you’ll get a full YEAR of QueerPorn.TV membership (that’s a $250 value)!

IF a QPTV cutie gets that honor, we’re also going to gift a massage gift certificate to them!

Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan, James Darling, April Flores, Drew Deveaux…. A QueerPorn.TV performer has won a Heartthrob Award from the FPA every year since 2011, so if patterns hold, there WILL be a sexy someone from our lineup getting that trophy (and that massage, mmmm). And with so many amazing and diverse performers to choose from, why not?

So go on, take a guess… and take a chance!


Tobi Hill-Meyer: Trans Positive Porn Trailblazer

interviewed by Courtney Trouble

"Tobi is incredibly knowledgable in all things queer; creative, smart, compassionate, inspiring, positive, hilarious, open, and somehow manages to see The Whole Picture where others just see holes. She’s also a genre-busting queer porn performer and porn maker who expertly, and sometimes even subversively, educates her audience while titillating them mercilessly. The last time she performed on one of my sets, she taught her co-star, and the world, how good muffing can feel. And now, I’ve got about a million questions for her and it’s gonna take me two columns to introduce her to you, if you don’t know her already.” — read the entire interview with Tobi here!

This has been such a wonderful interview. It helps that it’s from someone who knows me pretty well, because they were able to ask me really insightful questions and about some things that most other interviewers don’t even know to ask about.

Feminist Ethics Working Within Mainstream Porn

As the Feminist Porn Awards approach, one thought I’ve been wanting to explore more is the idea that certain discriminatory or harmful conventions are “economic requirements” and how our ethics should lead to us interacting with those problems. I’ve heard that mainstream trans porn *has to* use the t-word and that without access to the traffic that comes with that they’d lose out on their customer base. I’ve heard that mainstream lesbian porn *has to* only hire cis performers, because the publisher would never release the film out of fear of alienating their customers. I’ve heard that casting for mainstream productions *has to* only include folks who fit the very limited list of approved body types. There’s a level of reality in those statements, and unless you own the entire production and distribution line, the decision to try something different and risk financial failure usually isn’t up to you.

I understand that for some folks, this is first and foremost a job, which they then hope to bring their feminism too. I know that when I worked for a textbook publisher, I worked with psych textbooks that said some horrible things about trans folks, but with no editorial control or input or even access to talk with the authors, I decided there was nothing I could do about it and just kept doing my job. When it’s you’re main income, it’s easy to fall into the things that people say *has to* be done. But I also never expected a feminist award for my work at that textbook publisher. 
At the same time, outright refusal to hire any trans women for a production or an entire production line is blatantly against my feminist values (and potentially illegal, depending on the interpretation of bona fide occupational qualification). As I’m getting closer and closer to mainstream work, these are more and more significant questions to me. Personally I haven’t been willing to work in a film where I’d have to follow those rules, but I also do need an income. If some mainstream production company offered me tens of thousands of dollars to do a cis women only film, or to do a trans woman film that used the t-word, I can’t guarantee I’d turn it down. Nor do I fault my friends who take that deal. But it makes me wonder what can be done from working in that kind of position to challenge those requirements. And what ethical obligations can/should we expect from other feminists doing that work.


there’s this bit in nevada that i think about it lot. it goes like, does acknowledging the limitations of female identity and bursting them not make you not a woman, just empowered, and thus is genderqueer an identity mainly available to female-assigned people in college with punk haircuts?

here is the thing: i vocally identified as nonbinary & genderqueer for kind of a while. when i came out it wasn’t like, i’m a woman, it was like, i don’t know what i am but i’m not a dude and i am pretty sure i’m not a trans woman because that’s way too terrifying to consider. but my only models for nonbinary existence were what i saw on tumblr: mostly thin, white, “androgynous” female-assigned people with short hair. even my therapist who i started seeing for gender shit fell into that category, and i desperately tried to imitate them and all of the images i was surrounding myself with online.

but i’d been trying to do this for a while prior anyway without realizing it, so i didn’t really change my aesthetic a whole lot when i first started transitioning. i was just on antiandrogens for a while, and when i finally did start estrogen it was on an extremely low dose. so nobody really knew anything was up unless i told them, hey, please use gender-neutral pronouns, i’m not a dude.

but the thing about insisting on yr identity, even vocally, is that the world doesn’t see identity, doesn’t make decisions about how to treat you based on it. i would get flustered whenever someone accorded me male privilege, assumed they were in the company of a man, things like that. and i stressed out for a long time about moving into a more binary position, of presenting as a woman. for a bunch of reasons: firstly because i had internalized some fucked-up ideas about the Inherent Conservatism of trans women and felt like by moving into that space i was betraying the Gender Revolution. secondly because i had internalized a whole bunch more fucked-up ideas about trans women, like: trans women are ugly and undesirable and basically men with tits. i had a bunch of stuff to work through with every tiny step i took. like, wearing a dress, growing my hair long, everything brought another little crisis, like i was desperately trying to keep distance from myself and other trans women, like i was trying to convince herself that i wasn’t like them, not really.

i’m not saying that there are no nonbinary male-assigned people. but i’m frustrated by the ways we can’t seem to talk about nuance around different kinds of experiences, different relationships to identity. like how for certain male-assigned people who’ve been exposed to so much queer and feminist theory that hammers into our brains how awful and regressive transsexuals are, nonbinary space seems to function as a safe way to move into womanhood rather than a thing we want to embody for the long haul. or else we realize that regardless of how we feel ourselves to be, the rest of the world doesn’t see that, and we decide that being read as female feels better than the other option.

(i guess this is part of why i get so mad when community conflicts are reduced to “nonbinary people” versus “trans women”, because many trans women i know have identified or currently identify as nonbinary — it’s just that we have different experiences when it comes to moving through the world and different priorities as a result.)

This reads like something I could have written almost word for word about my experience as a non-binary trans woman. I too tried to emulate the only genderqueer folks I saw, which led to me binding, performing as a drag king, wearing bulky hoodies, but didn’t lead to much in the way of community recognition. I can look back and laugh at some of my naive attempts to make my identity more salient - like when I discovered the formula that genderqueer = moving toward masculinity and away from femininity, so I decided to be femme for six months in the hopes that it would give me legitimacy when I later expressed masculinity.

The funny thing, though, is that after years of trying to be visibly genderqueer and years of not caring what other people see, I’m finally being seen as genderqueer now and then.  However, it’s pretty consistent that new folks I’m being introduced to will either see me as a trans woman or as genderqueer, but not as both.  On multiple occasions now, folks read my body as having been assigned female and they immediately see me as genderqueer.  Then they start using male pronouns for me and I call them out on it, the response is almost invariably, “Oh, but I thought you were genderqueer.”

This is a helpful explanation about why it is not okay to frame all trans women as automatically having male privilege, however, it appears from the notes that it’s resulted a lot of people doing just that - although with a bunch of caveats such as “passing as male” privilege.  

I’ve got a lot I could say about analyzing the details of this very complicated scenario around misogyny, patriarchy and power, but let me address this from a different angle: Why does it matter? What do you hope to gain from placing trans women under a microscope for such detailed analysis?  If one trans woman experienced a moment of encouragement a midst a childhood of harassment, bullying, and assault, how does it help us to highlight that moment and call it a privilege? More often than not, the reason people do this is to shut trans women up.

Accusations of male privilege are common in the middle of anti-trans harassment campaigns. It’s been regularly cited as a justification for exclusion, public outing of trans women, letter writing campaigns to get trans women fired, or even stalking and exposing private information. If there’s some hypothetical benefit from understanding trans women’s experiences of male privilege, it’s far outweighed by this cost.

Finally, the reality is that any woman (cis or trans) who is put under such scrutiny can be explained to have some micron of male privilege. When you extend your search for “passing as male” privilege, temporary privilege, conditional privilege, and any moment of encouragement that isn’t immediately explained by other causes, there’s a lot. Does the cis woman raised with 5 brothers have male socialization? Does the cis woman who only has male friends, loves sports and is considered “just one of the guys” have male privilege?  Does the tomboy who’s occasionally mistaken for male by strangers have male privilege? Does the cis woman CEO who “leans in,” wears pant suits and adopts the mannerisms of her male counterparts have male privilege?

Sometimes we have those conversations, but when we’re talking about cis women it is never framed as an issue of male privilege. That’s because it’s insulting to do so. If people started picking apart Hillary Clinton’s “male privilege,” there would be outrage. The only reason it’s considered acceptable to do so with trans women is because it’s considered acceptable to be insulting and speak down to trans women.


[[[ from my art blog -]]]

TW: Cissexism, being a young trans girl, body dysphoria


[accessibility: it is dark, probably in a cave. there are two girls, one much younger than other, sitting side by side. the older one, in a green dress, is hiding in fear. weak and hurt…