Tobi Hill-Meyer



“In my early twenties, I was dating a trans woman who in some ways still had a male body whose body I projected maleness and masculinity onto because of my own prejudice. I was very attracted to her, and she was absolutely a woman, but part of me was like if I’m attracted to this anatomically male body, does that mean that I could be interested in men? using her in a really creepy way as an avatar of maleness and masculinity, completely contradicting what I just said. I don’t want this to be interpreted as I dated a trans woman so I could be into men, but I feel that there’s a blurriness that happens with trans people that’s exactly what I’m saying and it’s fucked up. For some people that blur their prejudice opens things up butts up against reality and calls things the tip of the iceberg regarding their own gender issues into question, things that could otherwise be rigid identities they should talk to a therapist about instead of using trans people as an objectified representation of their own internalized binarist gender issues.

— Ariel Schrag, author of Adam, in her interview with The Rumpus


(via odofemi)

to talk about how trans people open things up and call things into question and to simultaneously talk about people being “anatomically male”?!?!

There, I fixed that for you, Ariel.

Much clearer now!

When I first started making porn, it was in part because the restrictions and requirements of mainstream trans porn were creating in such a way that I not be able to participate and my friends and community would only be able to participate if they essentially pretended to be someone else. I wanted to make space for something else - something where I could see people like myself and my friends engaging in the wide range of sexual experiences I know exists among trans people.  At the time, the only way to do that was to exit the mainstream completely and create something new from scratch.

For the past couple of years, the organizers of the annual award show for mainstream trans porn has been talking with people from alternative queer porn.  This year they have renamed the awards so as not to use the t-word, but more importantly they did it because queer porn folks who formed working relationships with them asked for it. And now we’re asking for a lesbian/queer trans woman award, and that may happen as well.

Now is the time for building relationships and coming together. There are certainly still concerns that some of our community may have. I have my doubts that any of my films - or indeed any film that does not focus on hard genitals and penetrative sex - could win a major award. But that’s in great part because many in the mainstream porn world simply cannot imagine what an alternative could look like.  Now is the time to show up and show off. If we can get nominations, then they will end up watching, reviewing, and discussing our work. And where we do not fit their criteria and expectation, they will have to question if those expectations really are necessary.

Chelsea Poe has collected a list of people you could nominate to help move this process forward.  To that end, let me add where my work could fit in as well.  Please consider nominating me and my work for the following:

Best FTM Scene: Doing it Again Episode 2 (Chelsea and Mo) and Episode 4 (Azure and Juicy)

Best DVD Director: Tobi Hill-Meyer

Best DVD Release: Doing it Again Vol 1: Playful Awakening, and Vol 2: Fearless Revealing

Best Scene: Doing it Again, Episodes 1-9 (You can review their descriptions and refresh your memory at this link)


Pre nominations are now open for the Transgender Erotica Awards.

what the wants of the inclusion movement wants in porn and what it doesn’t.


Yesterday I had some issues with my usual cam site and posted a tweet about having to go on Kinklive for the first time in a few months and I received a few tweets by Princess Kora ( and Saying I hate and called them evil yet I am willing to cam for them. I believe she didn’t truly listen to what us who want inclusion on such sites are against we are upset about. We are upset about these sites excluding us thus its quite the opposite to us hating them and wanting nothing to do with them. Part of the reason I moved to the bay was getting accepted by Kinklive and had a really good 8 months camming with them but truly kinklive isn’t really a place where a trans woman can make money extremely long term because simply lack of traffic to the site because they have a lack of websites supporting trans porn. Kink has multiple gay male sites and multiple sites for cis women when trans women are limited to being in a top only role for 2 sites. What was distressing about my time with kink wasn’t anyone doing anything awful to me but just the constant knowledge everyday you go into work you have no opportunity for advancement within a company you work for 3 to 5 days a week. One of the most important things when you have any job is an a chance to advance in said field with the company you work for.  I had people within the building attempt to try to book me for various lesbian sites even in the shower within the armory then retract the offer upon learning I’m trans then when I did apply for trans sites through kink I was told let us know when you decide to start topping (topping as a trans woman to what they ask is just about impossible without going off hormones and destroying your endocrine system). What Tobi Hill Meyer, Cinnamon Maxxxine, Courtney Trouble and Myself spoke about at the porn panel at the center of sex and culture really explained that we just want to be given the same chance as skinny, white, cis performers including both Cinnamon and myself sharing offering these companies flexible rates to work with us even if only on a trial basis. We really don’t dislike these companies but we dislike the way the treat performers who don’t fit into a extremely small view of sexual attraction and when they do shoot people who are in sexual minorities they are never truly treated with the same respect a white skinny cis performer would be treated. I said this from day one working with Kink if they are open to trying something new and including trans women who don’t top with their cock I offer my services for completely free because I truly believe if trans sexuality can be portrayed in a positive light in porn it can actively make the world a less hostile place for all trans people. I just want us to be judged fairly and have porn reflect all kinds of body types thus creating a bigger audience and helping porn come on of a decline due to downloading. I believe this is going to be the future of porn that will push it forward and I believe you can see this with how many of the biggest porn stars in the last ten years haven’t fit into porn’s norm of what a porn star looks like or performs. I think the biggest key is actual dialog between companies and the people who are feeling under represented in porn. Any other industry when losing money would try to explore new ways to innovate but rather to this most of porn believes they need to stick to their guns and I have heard the phrase “Suck all the money out we can” which is a recipe for failure as we saw with the big 3 auto companies all having to be bailed out. Porn isn’t going to get a government bail out so we need to innovate or this industry will face a probable death of the norms within the industry now. We all wonder why do people download porn for free instead of paying for it. I believe just like any other art form people will pay for something they value and truly I don’t believe fans are truly valuing a lot of mainstream porn because simply its repetitive, playing out and mocked by society as a whole largely due to how unbelievable it is. When a porn star faking a orgasm is something you hear as a punch line at least once a week on a late night show I think that says how most mainstream porn is valued. I believe including real to life sex with different body types, races of people, sexualities and ways people have sex you would actually see a massive increase in people who would actually be interested in buying porn because end of the day if you can relate to someone on a human level you are less likely to steal their content which is why most of my queer material isn’t on any torrent or tube sites because they actually want to support me as a performer. I think porn has often viewed its self as simply just another form of sex work and I think we need to start viewing this as a film medium erotic art form because the majority of the public views porn as stale and not for them. I take porn seriously and I feel like porn should be taken seriously and lightly as any other medium rather it be music, film or art. Its great to have something super artistic but at the same time I don’t believe all porn needs to be held to that but its important to realize what we are making is effecting how people view sex, view their sexuality and most important how they view themselves. 

For porn performers - indeed sex workers in general - we are often held to an unrealistic standard when it comes to complaining about our jobs. Think about it - everyone complains about their jobs. No matter how much you love it, there will be something to complain about. You might be grateful for a corporate job, but still criticize their corporate policies and few would accuse you of being a hypocrite. Yet we will so often be forced to defend why we choose our professions to begin with that even a minor complaint results in a chorus of “If you hate it so much, why don’t you quit!”  

Everything breaks down when you’re forced into polarization like that where everything is either perfect and above reproach or downright evil. Ideally we can and should have space to vent and air legitimate grievances, while maintaining a positive relationship with those we work with.

I don't have a problem w/strippers and if u wanna sell ur body to gross men that's ur choice BUT pole dancing isn't stripping, pole takes ATHLETIC SKILL, im not just shakin my ass n picking up two-dollar bills w/my vagina. just because I pole dance 4 fitness and 2 express myself creatively doesn't mean i want ppl to assume i'm a trashy bimbo w/daddy issues.



Wow! You packed so much in here.

First of all, I’m not selling my body to gross old men.

There’s a few misconceptions in that one sentence alone. You may have noticed I’m home in my bathrobe, alone with my dogs, having finished my gyro, answering this. How did I get my body back?! Did I buy it back? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of selling it? Maybe he GAVE it back to me out of charity when he was done using it, is that it?

So —taking this ask at face value—i’m gonna say your feminist praxis needs a bit of a refresher. Women—all women, and tbh all people as little as I care for men—are living beings with agency and calculating capabilities. We calculate our best options and go from there. We are not tissues to be used, regardless of that fervid and foetid radfem rhetoric. They only regard certain women as people anyway.

And then, if you’re talking to me, you know my stance on pole dancing. You know that western appropriation narratives aside, the reason you want pole dance specifically to be your fitness routine and not mallakhamb (which doesn’t welcome women anyway) or aerialism, is that neither have been sexy and appealing background props setting the standards of female desirability for the past twenty years.

Strippers have.

You want to look like a stripper. You want that slumming, dangerous, mysterious aura, you want to walk with confidence like I walk in 8” heels, you want to look like men pay you hundreds of dollars because you’re desirable.

You want to feel edgy and desirable.

That’s why you haven’t run off to cirque du soleil, nor are you calling aerialists tramps.

With that cleared up, let’s go back to your first point:

You do have a problem with strippers. Your problem: you want our aura and desirability and not the stigma, not the danger, not the real threat of losing homes/jobs/family/scholarships/children/careers/futures.

You know that the edginess you crave comes at a price, and your way of dealing with this is NOT to combat stripper stigma, your way of dealing with this is to play up respectability politics for all you’re worth, widening the dichotomy between pure you and filthy us, too busy selling our bodies to dirty old men to develop the skills and grace you so admire.

And to a certain degree this makes sense. It will work for you, sort of. There are people who will buy it, mostly other women who have the same investment in maintaining respectability politics.

Men, babe, are never going to believe you, and they are never going to care.

BUT! There’s another option. Instead of crying when someone asks if you’re a stripper after a certain effortfull routine, sobbing like strippers can’t climb a pole through shoulder mounts backward and then do a drop in a straddle split catching themselves an inch above the floor in 8” heels, instead of reassuring yourself that we’re all mushy muscles barely able to stagger around the pole, making your tricks all the more unique and special—

The next time someone asks if you’re a stripper you could say:

No! But isn’t it amazing that they manage to do this in heels?

No, I’m not a stripper, but I’m flattered you think I have that self confidence!

No, I’m not a stripper but I’ve thought about it, but the stigma scares me.

No, I’m not a stripper but their skills and bravery inspire me and my classmates!

No, I’m not a stripper, and it makes me nervous that you would ask that bc sex work is so loaded and sex workers are murdered and discriminated against, so I get defensive about this but I’m trying to fight it and support strippers in ending sex worker stigma, starting with myself.

No, I’m not a stripper and I get tense about that question because of daddy issues stereotypes but isn’t it so fucked up that strippers (and other women) are the butt of jokes about male pattern abuse? 1 in 3 or 4 women is abused in her life time, usually by a family member or an intimate partner. You know someone who is the butt of that joke, stripper or not. And issues are a valid response to abuse across the spectrum, not just for strippers.

No, I’m not a stripper but I love them and I’m jealous they get to wear fancy outfits.

No, I’m not a stripper because they’re an exploited labour class and i enjoy my pole work best without having to give a percent of my income to a man who doesn’t deserve it.

No, I’m not a stripper, and they don’t pick up dollars with their vaginas either because unlike customers (who stick dollars in their mouths) none of us are interested in getting hepatitis.

So these are some potential answers for you! Hope this helps and thanks for indulging me.

Love, your friend,




Behind the scenes- on set for a supervillain/superhero BDSM threesome with Tobi Hill-Meyer, Ivy Dykes and Doublecakes! Shot for

I finally got to do my idea for role playing as a super villain!

Mills and Mount Holyoke Take Huge Step To End Transmisogyny in Admissions

It’s been exciting to see my partner’s alma matar, Mills College, publicly declare they will accept trans women through their admissions process. We’ve been nudging them about it every year when they ask for donations. And now, just about a week later, news is out that Mount Holyoke is doing the same.

This is great news and worth celebrating, yet I still have a bit of nitpicking about how they are doing this that’s worth keeping as a part of the story. There has been a lot of news coverage about Mills’ announcement of including gender fluid, genderqueer, or non-binary students, however, none of these news sources are clarifying that only female assigned non-binary students are welcome to apply.  

It reminds me of when I was exclusively genderqueer identified (which meant to me that I didn’t identify with either binary gender) and much more public about it and a friend asked if I’d like to join a women’s self defense with her. Upon looking into it, they had a “self-identified women only” policy, which was clearly an attempt to be trans inclusive, but since I didn’t identify with binary gender it didn’t include me. Even asking for further clarification I was clearly told that folks with non-binary gender would not be allowed unless they also identified as women.  Imagine my surprise when the term began and I discovered that no less than 3 of my non-binary friends were in the class. Apparently the issue had never come up for them because they were assigned female. It was a clear double standard based on transmisogyny.

At least Mills College is spelling out clearly how non-binary students fall into the standard of “self-identified woman only,” but they are picking up this same transmisogynistic standard. I would have no problems going through Mills’ application system, but it would make me wonder if being genderqueer is something I would have to hide or that could cause trouble for me if it was publicly known.

Mount Holyoke has taken up a similar but slightly improved version of this policy around non-binary identity. In what they are calling allowing anyone who “is female or woman identified,” they recognize that identifying as non-binary and as a woman are not mutually exclusive. They specify that male assigned non-binary students are welcome only if woman is a part of their how they identity, however female assigned non-binary students are welcome regardless. This awkward framing even clarifies that trans men are welcome to apply because Mount Holyoke considers them to be female men - whereas all other women’s colleges will retain trans men who applied before they were out as men but not allow them to apply if they identify as men at the time of applying.  

All this doesn’t mean I won’t be celebrating. It’s still a momentous step that will hopefully spread to other colleges and beyond. And despite losing my main income this year I think we’ll be making a donation to Mills - along with some nudging around the areas they still need to be working on.

Hey, do you know of any alternate words for 'testicles' for trans women? My girlfriend's nonop, and neither of us can think of a word that feels right the way 'clit' does. Kinda limits dirty talk :(


I once heard someone use “dangly bits” but it confused me because they aren’t the only bits that dangle. Plus if you’re going for dirty talk that’s not necessarily very hot. I don’t know many other alternatives.  Eggs?

It might help to know the context of what you’re trying to communicate. “Muff me with my ____,” or “I want to suck your ____,” or “Avoid my ____,” or “I’m going to squeeze your ____ until they ____,” or “Clit and ___ torture,” can all have a different feel and some language might be appropriate in one instance but not another. Depending on circumstance you might use language that isn’t a perfect match, maybe “labia”? 

Do any of my followers have other ideas?

My favorites from other people’s suggestions:

Ovaries, outaries, novaries, fauxveries,

Squishies, stones, happy factory, Natalie

Hey, do you know of any alternate words for 'testicles' for trans women? My girlfriend's nonop, and neither of us can think of a word that feels right the way 'clit' does. Kinda limits dirty talk :(

I once heard someone use “dangly bits” but it confused me because they aren’t the only bits that dangle. Plus if you’re going for dirty talk that’s not necessarily very hot. I don’t know many other alternatives.  Eggs?

It might help to know the context of what you’re trying to communicate. “Muff me with my ____,” or “I want to suck your ____,” or “Avoid my ____,” or “I’m going to squeeze your ____ until they ____,” or “Clit and ___ torture,” can all have a different feel and some language might be appropriate in one instance but not another. Depending on circumstance you might use language that isn’t a perfect match, maybe “labia”? 

Do any of my followers have other ideas?

Hullo there, I work at a sex toy/lingerie store and was wondering if you know of any specific products that trans community folks might be interested in having for sale. I'm advocating very strongly that we become more inclusive and am reaching out to many folks about ideas or suggestions. Thanks, Tobi, you're always so lovely.

A lot of times the biggest issue is not what products you have but how they are marketed/displayed. Do you have p-spot toys or masturbation sleeves labeled as “men’s” and g-spot toys as “women’s”?  

Most of the time trans people will enjoy the same variety of toys and clothing as cis people, as long as they are not turned off by marketing.  Good knowledgeable sales people who can explain things can be invaluable.  For example, “Yes trans women can use strap on harnesses comfortably, depending on your preferences there may be some slight differences in how you wear it.” Here’s a video if you’re curious.

As for some specific products, you could consider stocking up on things like gaffs, packers, binders, and breast forms (especially the $25-50 brand instead of the $125-250 brand). Also you can pick up a few dilation sets - especially the kind with grooved markings so you can determine depth by touch.

And of course - carry my porn and other trans positive porn. All my films have been distributed by and are in the process of being transferred to Pure Play. So depending on the title one or the other of them should be able to hook you up for ordering.

How does this work?

By ‘this’ do you mean the ask box?  You type a question into the ask box and I get a message. If you’re logged in I can respond privately to you or publicly post your question and my response. If you’re anonymous I can only respond by publicly posting it. Either way it helps if you’re specific about your question.

I don’t answer all my asks. Some of them don’t seem relevant, or I don’t know what to say, or I’m busy the week I get it and then later forget about it. But in general I really enjoy getting asks and often put a lot of time into having detailed answers to them.